1. Their #1 product would be Microsoft Storm Windows.

2. Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get a walleye.

3. Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered in frost.

4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Yah, sure, you betcha" or "Thanks very much, not right now, but maybe later."

5. Instead of "Ta-Da!", the opening sound would be a car with a cold battery cranking over and over and over and over.

6. The "Recycle Bin" in Storm Windows '95 would be an ice fishing house.

7. Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player you'd hear "Kirrrrrby Puckett!!!"

8. Instead of "Start Me Up," the Windows '95 theme song would be the Gedney Pickles jingle.

9. PowerPoint would be named "Don't Point" because "power" is just too agressive and pointing isn't polite, anyway, don't you know.

10. Microsoft's programming tools would be "Visual Lutheran" and "Visual Evangelical Lutheran."

11. Storm Windows 95's logo would incorporate a hotdish.

12. Microsoft Word would be Microsoft Apology.

13. Instead of WWW servers, Microsoft would have 3M servers.

14. New Shutdown WAV: "Do you have to leave so soon? Have another cup of coffee, dear."

15. Instead of VPs, Microsoft big shots would be called "Winter Carnival Royalty".

16. Hardware could be repaired using parts from used appliances bought at garage sales for 50 cents apiece.

17. Microsoft Office replaced with Microsoft Skyway.

18. Five words: Norwegian Bachelor Farmer Screen Saver.

19. Well, the first thing don'tcha know, Bill is known as "that nice man up the block who sponsors the Little League team."

20. Spreadsheet software would include examples to inventory prize-winning jam and pickle recipes from the State Fair.

21. Car block heaters with plug'n'play interfaces.

22. Screen saver option: A guy shoveling his driveway and then a snowplow coming through and pushing a mound across the driveway bottom.

23. Another screen saver option: A Zamboni circling the screen.

24. Instructions for use would include "Please press the control key when you have a minute, okay?"

25. Flight Simulator replaced by Driving Your Pickup Out on the Lake Ice in Late March simulator.